The best of marriage is that which is made easiest

            The best of marriage is that which is made easiest.

Dr Suhaib Ashraf Bhat
Love is a decision to be committed to another person. It is far more than a fleeting emotion as portrayed on television, the big screen, and romance novels. Feelings come and go, but a true decision to be committed lasts forever—and that is what defines healthy marriages.Marriage is a decision to be committed through the ups and the downs, the good and the bad. When things are going well, commitment is easy. But true love is displayed by remaining committed even through the trials of life. Honesty and trust become the foundation for everything in a successful marriage. But unlike most of the other essentials on this list, trust takes time. You can become selfless, committed, or patient in a moment, but trust always takes time. Trust is only built after weeks, months, and years of being  who you say you are and doing what you say you’ll do. It takes time, so start now—and if you need to rebuild trust in your relationship, you’ll need to work even harder. Although it will never show up on any survey, more marriages are broken up by selfishness than any other reason. Surveys blame it on finances, lack of commitment, infidelity, or incompatibility, but the root cause for most of these reasons is selfishness. A selfish person is committed only to himself or herself, shows little patience, and never learns how to be a successful spouse. Give your hopes, dreams, and life to your partner. And begin to live life together.We all have weaknesses and relationships always reveal these faults quicker than anything else on earth. An essential building block of a healthy marriage is the ability to admit that you are not perfect, that you will make mistakes, and that you will need forgiveness. Holding an attitude of superiority over your partner will bring about resentment and will prevent your relationship from moving forward.
The general principle according to which a man should conduct his spending is the same general principle according to which he should conduct his life, which is the middle way and moderation. Allah swt, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning): “And those, who, when they spend, are neither extravagant nor niggardly, but hold a medium (way) between those (extremes)” [al-Furqaan 25:67]. The middle way and moderation cannot be identified by specific amounts or specific limits, that if a person oversteps that mark he can be described as being extravagant and if he falls short of it then he is being a miser or niggardly; rather that varies according to the individual’s situation, whether he is rich or poor, whether it is a case of ordinary expenses or an emergency. It also varies from one place to another, one time to another, and so on. The ruling on whether something is extravagance or not takes into account all of these things. Allah swt, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning): “Let the rich man spend according to his means, and the man whose resources are restricted, let him spend according to what Allah swt has given him. Allah swt puts no burden on any person beyond what He has given him” [al-Talaaq 65:7].Secondly:One of the things that people have gone too far in, until they reached the level of extravagance and excess, is the matter of exaggerating concerning the mahar, and being extravagant in clothing, wedding feasts, and so on. The knowledgeable and wise people have started to complain about this because of the many evil consequences to which it leads, such as many women remaining unmarried, because many men cannot afford the expenses of getting married, which leads to many kinds of evil consequences. Scholars, Philosophers and Writers are urging people not to be extravagant in wedding parties and other expenses that have to do with weddings in general. All of them suggest that this is one of the factors that make the issue of marriage complicated for those who want to get married, to such an extent that the numbers of young women who remain unmarried have increased. The most blessed marriage is that which is affordable; the less the expenses are, the greater the blessings. Going to extremes in dowries and competing in offering lavish wedding feasts leads to overstepping the mark, and because there are so many celebrations that are done before and after the wedding, and because of what accompanies that of haraam things that lead to immorality, such as singing and mixing between men and women on some occasions, and men serving women in hotels if the party is held in a hotel, which is regarded as one of the greatest of evils, and because going that path of extravagance means that many people are unable to afford the expenses of marriage and indeed this indecent extravagance may lead to many young people, both boys and girls, going astray.There should be a ban on extravagance and overstepping the mark with regard to wedding feasts. People should be warned against that through the officials who record marriages and through the media. People should be encouraged to lower the dowry and extravagance in such matters should be discouraged from the minbars of the mosque, in learning circles and through the media. Wedding parties are among the things in which it is prescribed to express happiness and joy and to instil that in the family and the wife, but that does not mean that one should fall into extravagance or spend unnecessarily. The argument that it is only once in a lifetime cannot be an excuse to spend too much. Being extravagant only once is not allowed and is haraam, just as being extravagant more than once is repeatedly falling into something that is not allowed and is haraam. The evil consequences of exaggerating concerning dowries are well known. How many free, chaste women have been prevented from marrying by their guardians, who have wronged them and left them without husbands and children. How many women has that led to respond to the calls of their own desire and the Shaytaan, so they have committed evil actions and brought shame upon themselves and their families and clans, because they have committed sins that anger the Most Merciful?  How many young men have been unable to meet these demands for which no authority was sent down by Allah swt, so the devils and evil companions took control of them, until they led them astray and caused them to lose out, so they lost their families and lost their way, and they became lost to their ummah and homeland, and they lost out in this world and in the Hereafter.Extravagance is not allowed and is blameworthy in all matters, whether it has to do with marriage or otherwise. What is prescribed in Islam is that the individual should not make things difficult for himself and should not burden himself with more than he can bear. Rather he should spend according to his means and what he is able to afford, whilst avoiding extravagance and going to extremes in spending. But this does not mean that spending on wedding parties and marriage should be like spending on ordinary days, for example. Of course this is not appropriate; rather it is prescribed to spend more generously than usual at this time. For that reason it is Sunnah for a man to offer a feast at his wedding and to invite people to it. This is an expense that is greater than usual, but what matters, as we have said, is to avoid extravagance and wasteful spending in all of that. Each individual should pay attention to his own situation and what he can afford.
suhaibbhatt85@gmail.com

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