Opinion 25 January 2021 by Suhaib Ashraf Bhat on Friendship

  While you are trying to help them, make sure they don’t destroy you.

 Suhaib Ashraf Bhat

“Friendship is always a sweet responsibility, never an opportunity.” (Khalil Gibran)The basic foundation for success in social relationships is love for people, and being kind and polite towards them. Man is a social animal and to live and survive in life, humans have to interact and rely on each other. This is the reason why humans have the gift of being born with relationship and throughout their lives they go for new relationships or try getting rid of the ones that don’t contribute positively to their lives. One of such relationships that humans value greatly is friendship. Friends are an integral and important part of life as they contribute heavily in what a person makes of his or her life. This is the reason why Islam also speaks about friendship. Islam acknowledges the importance of friends in one’s life, therefore, it emphasizes on the selection of right friends. The lines below discuss the importance of friends in the light of Islam and what different criterions should a Muslim follow pertaining to the matter of making friends. Being kind to people in word and deed, and all kinds of doing good. This is one of the means of removing worry, distress and anxiety. By this means Allah swt wards off worries and distress from the righteous and immoral alike, but the believer has the greater share of this, and is distinguished by the fact that his kindness to others stems from sincerity and the hope of reward, so Allah swt makes it easy for him to be kind to others because of the hope that this will bring good things and ward off bad things, by means of his sincerity and hope of reward. Allah swt says (interpretation of the meaning):“There is no good in most of their secret talks save (in) him who orders Sadaqah (charity in Allah’s Cause), or Ma‘roof (Islamic Monotheism and all the good and righteous deeds which Allah has ordained), or conciliation between mankind; and he who does this, seeking the good Pleasure of Allah swt, We shall give him a great reward.” [al-Nisa 4:114]Life’s trials show us our true friends & help us to be grateful to God. My father always used to say, hardships and empty pockets will teach you millions of things which no college or university can. Yes papa, You are right.This is how life teaches you. So friends don’t ever forget Advice is easy, what is difficult is accepting it, for it is bitter in taste. I am not advising anyone of you as all of you know much more than me, But its just my conclusion, Trials and tribulation are like feeling the heat and cold, when one knows that they cannot be avoided, he will not feel anger at their onset, nor will he be distressed or disheartened. More-ever, World is not permanent, It is the test you will go through due to it, With hardship comes ease’ The ease will overwhelm the hardship. just be patient and remain Positive..
In Quran, Allah swt says: “And (remember) the day when the unjust one shall bite his hands saying: O! Would that I had taken a way with the Messenger! O woe is me! Would that I had not taken such a one for a friend! Certainly he led me astray from the reminder after it had come to me. Ah! The Evil One is but a traitor to man!.” (25:27-29)
There are a variety of things that become clear from this ayah of Quran. The first thing that becomes clear is the fact that Allah swt acknowledges friendship as a factor that is important to the life of a person. Therefore, making friends is not something alien or out of Islam, rather friends are acknowledged as a relationship in Islam. The second thing that becomes clear from this verse is the fact that the kind of friend that one has have a great role to play in what a person gets in the life hereafter. Those who get paradise will definitely have their friends as their partners because they all contributed in the life each other and followed the path of righteousness. On the other hand, the ones who receive hell as a reward of their deeds will complain about their friends and lament upon the fact that it is following their unrighteous friends that has resulted in this plight of theirs; therefore, it is imperative that a Muslim has righteous friends.Pertaining to the righteous friends, Allah Almighty says in Quran:“Friends on the Day will be enemies one to another, except al-Muttaqun (i.e. those who have piety).” (43:67)From this ayah it is clear that on the Day of Judgment there won’t be any friends, rather it would be such a situation that friends would turn into enemies. At such an instance, only those who are pious would remain friends of each other. Therefore, if one is to make friends, then he or she should make friends who are pious, because such friends don’t just remain friends in this world only, rather they remain friends in the world hereafter as well and help each other out.Reminds me the couplet of Molana Amir UsmaniJo marhalon mei sath thai woh manzilon pai chut gaye, Jo raat mei lutai na thai woh dopahar mei luth gaye, Magan tha mei ki pyaar k bouhat sai giit gavonga, zuban gung ho gayi, galai mei giit ghut gaye, kati huvi hai ungliyan rubaab dhundhta hon mei.
In the period of sufferings real character of the people are revealed and exposed. The masks are down while the ugly faces are open to humanity as whole but don’t forget “No sadness goes on and No joy lasts forever”.You can be damn sure that the people who are there for you when you most need help are the ones that really do love you. It’s easy to love someone when they’re happy and breezing through life. It’s more difficult when that person is so stuck in pain they barely have any love to give. Remember that the people who really, truly, unconditionally love you, will still have love to give to you, even if you’re temporarily unable to give it back. Secondly, struggle doesn’t make you who you are as much as it tends to reveal who you are. When you’re truly in a state of desperation to fix something, your real self will start to emerge out of necessity. Pay attention to this. There are great lessons to be learned from seeing what you do and who you are in the most trying times.And the poet said,This was no friendship, to forsake your friend, To promise your support and at the end Abandon him-this was sheer treachery. Friend follows friend to end. When sorrow comes one’s true friends are found; In times of joy ten thousand gathers around.Verily, Allah swt shows you true face of people in a most mysterious way.